iCooldude’s life is the dream techie life. Surely deserves a mention considering the vast gamut of gadgets he uses everyday. So, without further ado, i present, a day in the life of icooldude’s life, narrated in first person.
Disclaimer: -The views expressed here are entirely the work of my imagination. Please avoid flaming me about this.
Hey people, i’m iCooldude. i’ve got an iPod Video, iPod Mini, iPod Micro, iPod Nano, iPod pico, an iPhone and an iPhone 3g, an iBook, iTunes on my iBook,  like all other ifans out there, but what sets me apart is the rest of the stuff. Read on to figure what i mean.

i wake up every morning, which in itself is not significant achievement, but when you consider its my iClock that ticks 7am, i’m up, feeling refreshed. Now, i must mention about iClock here. iClock is this beautiful, touchscreen clock that is the hottest timepiece ever invented since time itself. its glowing display, and the way each digit on the clock is preceded by i, just makes it an amazing thing to look at, while you wait to fall asleep. i particularly love the way you set the alarms, sliding your finger to drag the hour hand and the minute hand to the time you want the alarm to go off. it has even has customizable alarm chimes, which you can buy using iTunes. Just hook up your iClock to the computer, and you’re good to go. Awesome stuff, right?

Anyway, in the next i15 minutes, i’m done brushing my teeth, using my iToothbrush. iToothbrush is a white, translucent toothbrush with an tiny LCD screen, that indicates when i should change my toothbrush. Needless to say, i can connect this to my computer via USB. i just have to tap the bristles lightly, and iToothpaste magically appears. i know you must be wondering why i must connect this to my computer. Well, thats because i can then download refills for itoothpaste using iTunes. Cool, right?. i’ve saved a lot of money not buying normal toothpaste because of this. Maybe i could save all this money to buy more songs from iTunes.

After that, its time for the morning download. No, not on the computer, but on the iCommode & iFlush combo. iCommode is this magnificent toilet commode, touch activated again. Slide your hand on the iCommode seat, and Hey Presto!, it opens. You can then procrastinate all you want while you crap, listening to music on your ipod. Oh, i must mention, the iCommode also comes with an iPod Dock, with speakers strategically placed under where your butt cheeks would go. it feels awesome when music is literally playing up your butt. After you’re done, you flush down your iShit down using the iFlush, which is a subscription based service from, yeah, you guessed it right,  iTunes. The makers seemed to have realised the difficulty people would have in hooking up the iFlush and icommode to the computer, and hence they iWirelessly allow the iFlush to be controlled. This is what i call iTech iEvangelism. You can then wipe your butt with iTissue, which is a special silky tissue that treats the skin like its supposed to be treated. iTissue is available free when you subscribe to iFlush for a year, and remember, its not sold separately. Needless to say, it is nice and colourful, and has had people staring in awe at it.

Of course, iSoap and iShower need no mention. Everyone knows and remembers the market frenzy when iSoap and iShower were launched. People claimed they would not bathe unless they had iSoap and iShower in their bathrooms. Not without reason too. Who cares if you need a subscription to stream iWater out of the iShower? Or get iLather from the iSoap? it is all so iCool, in more ways than one! Best of all, look at how much technology they have on the iSoap. its touch activated alright, but it won’t lather, unless you connect and activate it via iTunes. The iShower well, is the best thing since sliced bread! Move your fingers around in a circular motion around the rim, and you have cold or hot iWater streaming right at you, depending on if you moved your finger clockwise or anticlockwise. iWater is specially treated water, available via iTunes. You cannot have normal municipal water flowing through the iShower, considering all the technology behind it.

i then drive my iCar to work. The iCar, just like the iPhone, is a product that aims to change what we were made to believe were basic features. The iCar does not have a steering wheel, nor does it have four wheels. This reminds of me of how the iPhone did not have the capability to forward messages, or send files via bluetooth, and how people raised such a hue and cry about it. The iCar runs on iPetrol, which is a specially formulated petrol not available in retail stores. it must be purchased through iTunes. When you do this, you use the inbuilt touchscreen GPS in the iCar to choose your destination, and the iCar ‘drives’ you there. Who said four wheels are necessary in a car? Ask the millions of iCar owners who are happy! You could get a fourth wheel fixed, but then this would null and void the warranty on your iCar, and you would not be eligible for future firmware releases for the car.

The killer feature on all these iDevices is that a user cannot replace the iBattery. You have take it to the nearest iStore. But the battery life of each one of these devices in awesome, except the one time when i had to carry the iCommode to the iStore, when it stopped working midway through my morning iCrap. The kind guys there just replaced the firmware on the iCommode and returned the device to me in three days. Top-Class customer service i must say!

i could go on and on and wax eloquent about all my iStuff, but thats not the iPoint of this iPost.

inspite of having all this iStuff, i wonder why no one still considers me cool! is it my fault that anyone who stays over at my iHouse cannot use toothpaste, since iToothpaste cannot be shared with any other user? in a rare occurence the other day, a friend came over to stay and was stuck in my iToilet, because he did not have a subcription to iTunes, which meant he could not flush his own shit down, nor could he use iTissue. He could not shower either, since he did not have a subcription for iSoap. The idiot carried an unbearable stench on him throughout the day, and has never visited me since.

But its strange. i’ve got no other friends. i’m all alone. No one visits me anymore after i got all this iStuff. i wonder why? Have people stopped appreciating cool technology? Have people stopped understanding the effort to create such iProducts? Wherever i go, people seem to get scared and run away. Maybe they think i’m too iCool for them. But i’ve got one very close friend, who even sent me a iTshirt on my iBirthday. it was a nice, translucent iTShirt, that you connected via USB to your computer to activate the print on the front. i like the concept. i’ve just connected the iTshirt to my computer, so maybe i should go and check what the message was.
Oh great! in big blue bold letters, it says:

‘iSUCK!’

Maybe i’ll wear this everyday!

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