UberT-Blog

Written on April 16, 2008 – 11:14 am | by Ubertechnophile |

I’ve always hated blogging about my life. Philosophy though, has always been my interests. I’ve always analyzed the behaviour of the people I’ve interacted with, and more often than not, it gives me a good insight into what kind of a person they are.

I’m traditionally a person who’s borderline hot headed. I’ve been through phases where I’ve flown into fits of rage, probably totally unwarranted and uncalled for, more often than not. Unwarranted, not because the cause for it was not genuine, but because in hindsight, it is simply not worth it. One act of wrath can change a hundred docile, simple words you’ve used to convey your feelings. That one act of wrath can undo about a zillion other good things you did. Sadly, the fact that stands out after that, is that you got angry, and not that you used a hundred kind words trying to explain your real feelings. Of course, there is a trigger that led you to fly into that rage, but that is conveniently forgotten by one and all. That problem is compounded, when you already are (in)famous for having a vile temper.

I sometimes wonder, whether its all really worth it. Is it worth expecting people close to you to do things, just because you did the same for them. Is it worth showing your true feelings to your closest people, just because you expect them to understand you. Is it worth maybe completely going out of the way for people, for things that would otherwise not make an iota of difference to you, just because you’re simply built that way.

Every relationship has its kinks. No relationship is perfect. The closer the person to you, the more you expect that person to understand you. Something like you say a ‘Hello’ and that person reads whats going on in your mind, just by the tone of that hello. Its not been tough for me to do that, as quite a few people would agree. When that expectation is not fulfilled, its difficult to control the emotional turmoil. Maybe that is where we go wrong. Its a different thing conveying what you’re feeling about something, and its different losing your head about it, and analyzing it over and over again. Undue emotional stress, that. Of course, things are back to normal pretty soon, depending on how your relationship with that person is, but not as soon as it should have been otherwise. More often than not, that incident keeps replaying in your head, sub-consciously.

What is the key to getting rid of such feelings? What is the key to not letting yourself get affected by such turmoil?

My silent mental reorganization until now has concluded one fact, yet. No matter how strong your relationship with the person, you’re always judged by your actions when you’re around that person, never your true feelings for that person. That is the bitter truth, and that sucks.