There comes a time in life, I believe, where you look back and analyse. Dissect, look through a microscope at every little incident that affected you, in a good or bad way. I’ve been doing that for a long time now, and I’ve been arriving at not so necessarily pleasant conclusions. Not that they worrry me, but they’re important,

I’ve always been a person who’s believed in being there for someone very close, no matter how deep our friendship may be. Of course, for those who are extremely close to me, its needless to say that I go that extra mile, or two, or five. The problem with me arises, when I expect the same thing out of them. True, deep, real friendship defined by me, was always being able to predict what the friend would say next, which would obviously mean I knew him/her very well. At the risk of sounding vain, I can categorically state that I can do that with much correctness with all my close friends. Obviously, the love of my life falls bang in the middle of this category, I can predict what her reactions would be, to a T, including the exact sentences she’d use. Quite honestly, thats been one of the reasons why she’s been able to tolerate me for all these years. :-). Given this as a scenario, am I being too harsh if I expect the same out of my closest friends? Perhaps, given the fact that friends were all I had when I grew up, owing to a childhood thats best left undiscussed, I’m setting the bar too high. Whatever be the reason, this has upset me, time and time again, over the past so many years. I’ve tried being like how most of my closest friends are with me, but I cannot drive myself to it. I’m not complaining, everyone has their lives and their problems to take care of, and so should I, but then, losing my closest friends is a fear that haunts me, always. Maybe I think too much, as has been pointed out by many, but thats one of the reasons I am ME today. I’m not trying to imply that my close friends are never there for me, but its more of an inherent flaw that has crept into me, expecting to be treated the exact same way that I treat them. I simply must understand, that people are different. Its all about learning to draw the line, and learning to put myself before others, albeit unselfishly.

Perhaps I’ll learn to do that. Perhaps, I need to learn that pretty soon, for my own good.

 

Related to this, I wrote on