I’ve been used to handling tremendous amounts of pressure. Right through my childhood, into my teens, during engineering, to cut a long story short, throughout my life, until about six months ago.

Then something happened. I began to wilt. I could not take it anymore. The constant worrying about things I began to realise I could not change, the negative thoughts, that formed the very basis of my positive thinking until then, the undue stress I put on myself to live upto others expectations, started taking a toll on me. I was becoming just like any run of the mill person, even though I was indirectly blessed with a gift which allowed me to think, analyse, interpret and judge; close to perfection, almost everything around me. Maybe, this so called gift was a result of the countless unsavoury incidents of a dark past, which still haunt me, and probably always will. My behavioural patterns changed. The same person, who never used to take things to heart, began, at the lightest oppurtunity, to feel hurt about things that would ordinarily be brushed aside like dust. I began to worry excessively about things that were not even worth a quarter of the effort I was putting in. I was beginning to lose my stability. Things reached a crescendo, and inspite of my closest friends trying to make me see sense, I unfortunately never saw light in their advice. Socially too, I preferred keeping alone and silent, whenever I used to take things to heart, which of course I later realised was unworthy of much heartburn. I began to see my closest friends as the people who could hurt me the most, even though they bore no malice. Everyone, became a potential enemy. Me, as I knew myself until about a year ago, was in what seemed like an unending coma.

Last night, I was shaken up out of this deep hibernation, by a person who probably is single handedly responsible for waking me up out of my self induced hibernation. Many a time before that, I was warned that this was not the way it should be. I paid no heed. But, last night, was different. Last night made me see the light. The truth. The mistakes I was making, and the stress I was unduly subjecting myself to. I never really ask for advice about life to people, simply because I’m not that way, but this called for desperate measures, and obviously, desperate solutions.

This post perhaps will not make sense to anyone else except about three or four people, and I want it that way. The timestamp on this post shall remind me perhaps in the future, that this was when I returned, back from the dead, if you please. Thank you, Anonymous, your effort is well appreciated.

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